Cord Management

Gather round as spleach tells a tale of a wonderful and corrupt group of individuals who would wreak havoc upon the lives of their tenants. It was what must have been a dark and stormy night as the group gathered in the basement of an abandoned warehouse. Clothing and hair dampened by the rain outside, the group huddled together around the single kerosene lamp that illuminated the fading layout of what would be a new apartment complex. “Thank you for coming.” the leader said, “We have an emergency.” She pointed a frail, withering finger at the equally ancient piece of paper atop the table. “We forgot the internet.”

“What?” croaked the white-haired man to her left. “The internet”, responded Muriel. “I heard what you said, but what is it?” complained Jonathan. The group erupted into laughter as Muriel became visibly angry. “The internet!” she snapped, “You know, the thing on the phones!” The internet was not Muriel’s strong suit and she didn’t appreciate her weaknesses being exposed. She felt insecure in her position as group leader and suspected that Jonathan was actively plotting to weaken that position, but she didn’t dare confront him. “The apartments must have the internet if our plans are to move forward”, she said. The group quieted and a somber atmosphere fell over them again.

“We have contracted with a company, but we have forgotten to install ports in the units. Without ethernet ports, our tenants will be unable to plug in their routers and access any sites.” Muriel inhaled deeply. She had practiced this part all day and finally felt herself regaining control. “We must agree upon where in the units to install the ports.”

The group was at a loss. None of them had much expertise with the internet; they usually paid someone to deal with all that. Hesitantly, a short man at the end of the table spoke up. “Umm. What exactly uses the internet?” This time, the group didn’t laugh. The question gave them pause. Did they know? Would answering incorrectly incur Muriel’s wrath? They watched their flame cast shadows dance on the crumbling concrete walls. Finally, Muriel realized that it would be up to her to answer the question. She racked her brain searching for the answer. At last, and with a pretended air of confidence, Muriel replied: “Televisions”.

“Well,” said Jonathan, “It seems to me, that if the television uses the internet…” He trailed off, but Muriel finished his thought for him. “Precisely. The port should go next to the television. There is no other choice. We will place the port in the hollow of the wall belonging to the TV.” The group solemnly nodded unanimously. “Then it’s decided.” said Muriel, “I’ll make the change in the morning.” The group departed into the night, careful that no one saw them leave. And thus, their tenants’ lives were forever changed. Cords would sit in the hollow, exposed, beneath the TV. The router too, forever doomed to sit beside the TV, would be a constant eyesore. That is, until spleach stepped in to save them all.

Cut to present day. The situation is truly fraught. spleach is at their new apartment and realizes just what this nefarious group has done. What can spleach do? Command strips to the rescue. But wait. Rubber bands. They need rubber bands if they are ever to hide the cords. Off to Walmart. No rubber bands. Toilet paper for days, but no rubber bands. They look for half an hour and ask an employee and look online. No good. What’s going on? There is a rubber band shortage. Why is no one talking about this? spleach calls the news. They don’t care. They say, “What?”. spleach hangs up. But then, spleach’s brother points at some kitchen trash bags. Twist ties. spleach buys the trash bags so he can get the twist ties. spleach takes it home. It goes well. See below.

Without TV:

With TV: